Waking up in the mornings now, I am greeted with darkness on the other side of the curtains.
My normal routine would see me pulling on a pair of trainers and heading out of the door for a short run, but this morning I just felt a bit different. Difficult to put my finger on what the feeling was, but I just sensed running was not the answer. I paused and thought, ‘what do I need in this moment?’
My mind went through all of its normal persuasive thoughts: ‘running is good for you… once you get out there you will enjoy it… giving up today means giving up forever… are you the sort of person who gives up?’ How quickly a single thought escalated into an issue of identify, laden with self-judgement. It took me aback.
None of these thoughts actually came back connect with my original feeling. In effect, they were just a series of well-worn mantras that have created deeply ingrained habits over the years. I guess in many ways that’s how habits keep their hold – familiarity, routine, the default option that requires no thought!
This phrase ‘what do I need in this moment’ was shared with me by a colleague. The invitation was to ask yourself this at any point in the day. On this occasion my answer was to do a mindfulness practice instead of my run. I felt calm and grounded at the end of the practice, the strange feeling had passed.
On reflection, it almost seemed as asking this question had given me permission to challenge the authority of my habits. Perhaps I will ask myself ‘what do I need in this moment’ a little more often.